On My First Son

On My First Sonby Ben Jonson


Farewell, thou child of my right hand, and joy ;
    My sin was too much hope of thee, lov'd boy.
Seven years thou wert lent to me, and I thee pay,
    Exacted by thy fate, on the just day.
Oh, could I lose all father now! For why
    Will man lament the state he should envy?
To have so soon 'scaped world's and flesh's rage,
    And if no other misery, yet age!
Rest in soft peace, and, asked, say, Here doth lie
    Ben Jonson his best piece of poetry.
For whose sake henceforth all his vows be such
    As what he loves may never like too much.

Please Vote

OC Support is up for charity of the month this month and it could mean a £200 cash injection.  To put this in perspective, it's enough money to run the help line for 18months.

If you could spare the two minutes it takes to register and vote it'd be much appreciated.

http://www.easyfundraising.org.uk/blog/cause-of-the-month-shortlist-2011/

Thank you

http://lifepoststillbirth.blogspot.com/2011/06/not-rare-condition.html

Also if you would like a mention on my memorial page please let me know.  It's looking a bit sparse at the moment.

For Griff

It's almost like you never were
and all a big bad dream
If only I could waken up
but then you'd not have been.

I couldn't wish your life away
however short it was
and that's the trap I'm living in
because there is such hurt

The hurt and pain won't go away
I don't want them to
When the story's said and done
It's all I have of you

My heart is still in tiny bits
it's often all I feel
I say again, again again
How can this be real?

Hormonally Sound

It's official.  My hormones are in lovely balance.  I'm not early menopausal, don't have PCOS, am ovulating alright and don't have high testosterone or low estrogen levels.

So why am I having such irregular (and stupidly long) cycles?  It's a mystery.  I'll be getting a scan at some point in the next few months but my GP doesn't expect it to reveal anything.  To be honest, I don't think she'd have sent me for a scan if I hadn't had a loss.  Not this early in investigations anyway.  She seemed rather unconcerned but I guess that's how they stop patients from getting stressed unnecessarily.

I'm concerned.  Maybe that's part of the problem.  Living under constant stress can put one's cycle off and living without one's child is pretty damn stressful so maybe it is just stress.  I am happy that there is no problem there but it's frustrating that my body isn't behaving itself for no apparent reason.

These last three weeks have been so long.  Since Griffin's birthday, it feels like the days have dragged, but I don't know where they have gone.  It feels like forever and no time at all.  In fact it all feels like forever and no time at all.  I guess that's normal because I've read similar in other blogs.

I don't know what to make of it all but the anti anxiety drugs I started a couple of weeks back have started to kick in so I'm hoping my anxiety and stress will reduce to manageable levels and I can actually think straight.

On a lighter note I heard a guy in a cafe telling a child (about 9) how he wasn't going to be allowed sweets in the house any more when his little brother was born because they wanted to teach the younger one that raisins were sweets.  So the older brother would have to go outside to eat sweets and to hide them in the bottom of his bag if he had to bring them in the house.

I couldn't help but draw the comparison to smoking, obviously Haribo is the new drug that all the cool kids are doing.