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Wednesday, 29 June 2011

Now What?

A year...

I did think that I was doing well in the lead up to Griffin's birthday.  I cried a bit the day before but on the actual day, I felt ok.  Sad but also that I'd come so far that I thought I could put one foot in front of the other and keep on moving forward.  However, I'm slightly falling apart.  I had a really destructive turn on thursday (b-day+1) where I got really (really really) drunk and it must have brought something up because I've been off ever since.

To the point that I went to the walk-in mental health unit for help.  They were really good.  I should be getting counselling in the next few weeks and they said I can go back whenever.  I'm feeling a bit better by the mere fact that I've taken action and someone unrelated to me is taking how I feel seriously.

It's such an anti climax.  There's not much else to say.


  1. I am so proud of you for going to the clinic and asking for help. So many of us suffer alone and one thing I have learned is that we cannot walk this path on our own. Hugs to you and hope you are feeling better soon.

  2. lots of love. I know exactly what you mean about what now... Belle's birthday was like a celebration, sad but happy too, then the angel day was fantastic and we raised so much money for Sands I was on a high, but I've not coped particularly well since Tuesday 28th, one year since we buried her, spiralling at the moment and tears are constantly there. Really brave step arranging counselling, you should be proud of you xxx

  3. I thought I'd say hi as I found my way in here... I see you've lived through the year which are said to be the worst. But when I meet people grieving (not myself as I lost my son in a miscarriage only 3 months ago) it does seem kind of common to fall into ha hole just after that, when life doesn't miraculosly change. And I think the healthiest thing to do might actually be to look for help.

  4. And that leads straight to a blog in swedish... www.lighteningstrikestwice.wordpress.com might be easier to read ;-)

  5. (((HUGS))) I'm glad that you sought the help you needed. I think so many people say that time will heal and give you the impression that you will magically feel better a year from now. It's so not that way :(