The most common question I get asked now when this comes up in conversation is 'are you trying for another baby?'

Personally I think over stepping the mark for some people to be asking about my sex life.  My father especially.  You should have seen my husband's face when he asked that question over the dinner table.  The poor thing didn't know what to say.

I didn't realise how much of a hole he would leave in our lives, for never having breathed he was such a big presence.  I was desperate for a baby.  I understand how people are driven to steal babies.  It's easy to underestimate the instinctual need to nurture but it's all consuming.  For the last 8 months my body and mind had been building up to this point, it can't just be turned off.

The most difficult thing was hearing babies cry, it literally felt like being stabbed in the chest.  For 6 months I couldn't breathe if I was around upset babies.  Happy ones made me sad but in a completely different way.