Welcome

Thank you for visiting my blog. Please leave a message to say hello. If you are here because you or someone close to you has lost a child, you have my sympathy.

Sunday, 3 April 2011

Mothers Day

That wonderful day dedicated to all things maternal.  I was expecting it to be a bit upsetting but so far I'm ok.  Hubby contemplated getting me a card but that would just be wrong I feel.

I'm not quite sure where I stand in this one.  Am I a mother, an ex-mother?  I really don't know.  Should I even be trying to define this, does it matter?  Once a mother always a mother I guess, but  thats a much easier definition if your child lived out side the womb.  In that instance one would have already been considered a mother, there's no quibbling that one.  But if your child dies just before birth, never been taken home or done any of the normal motherly things.  Never fed or consoled or even changed a nappy.  Where does that put you?

I didn't feel much like a mother when I was pregnant.  To be honest, I was pretty much in shock for most of the pregnancy.  My sister was born dead at 29 weeks (but was resuscitated and is now a healthy 10 year old) so I didn't feel able to really bond with 'Bumpy' until he'd reached that point and when I was told that they'd be inducing me early, my first thought was that I wasn't ready.  I'd only had 4 weeks to get used to the idea of actually having a baby rather than the 20 odd that I'd known I was pregnant.  Afterwards I felt more like a beaten rag than anything resembling a person never mind a mother.  I couldn't be a mother as I'd failed at the most basic of motherly tasks.

So yes, it doesn't matter how I'm defined today.  This should be my first Mothers Day with a baby hand print or scrawl in a card I'd probably keep forever but it's not and that's the most wrong thing of all.

2 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for your loss and share many of the same feelings that you mentioned in this post. I'm contemplating whether or not I'm a mother and whether or not I should acknowledge mother's day this upcoming Sunday. I lost twin boys at 19 weeks on 2/2/11 and agree that I feel pretty much like a beaten rag...barely human.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for joining the FOLFOH blog hop. We are so honored you shared your blog with us.

    I understand your questioning feeling like a mother. I too struggle with that question myself, and my son lived for 4.5 months (he lost his life to SIDS in Oct). And I question being a mother myself. I know I am a mother, as I gave birth to him. But I don't feel like one at all right now, and that is the toughest part. This past mother's day should have been my 1st with a live baby. I'm so so sorry for the loss of your precious son.

    xoxox,
    Tiffany

    ReplyDelete