That wonderful day dedicated to all things maternal. I was expecting it to be a bit upsetting but so far I'm ok. Hubby contemplated getting me a card but that would just be wrong I feel.
I'm not quite sure where I stand in this one. Am I a mother, an ex-mother? I really don't know. Should I even be trying to define this, does it matter? Once a mother always a mother I guess, but thats a much easier definition if your child lived out side the womb. In that instance one would have already been considered a mother, there's no quibbling that one. But if your child dies just before birth, never been taken home or done any of the normal motherly things. Never fed or consoled or even changed a nappy. Where does that put you?
I didn't feel much like a mother when I was pregnant. To be honest, I was pretty much in shock for most of the pregnancy. My sister was born dead at 29 weeks (but was resuscitated and is now a healthy 10 year old) so I didn't feel able to really bond with 'Bumpy' until he'd reached that point and when I was told that they'd be inducing me early, my first thought was that I wasn't ready. I'd only had 4 weeks to get used to the idea of actually having a baby rather than the 20 odd that I'd known I was pregnant. Afterwards I felt more like a beaten rag than anything resembling a person never mind a mother. I couldn't be a mother as I'd failed at the most basic of motherly tasks.
So yes, it doesn't matter how I'm defined today. This should be my first Mothers Day with a baby hand print or scrawl in a card I'd probably keep forever but it's not and that's the most wrong thing of all.