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Thursday, 21 April 2011

Change

I feel I'm different now.

Not in any perceptible way, not in any way I could describe but I am going to try.

I still do the same things, I look almost the same.  I'm a bit pudgier round the belly but that's surely to be expected.  To all intents and purposes things are exactly where they were before I ever got pregnant.

It's an outlook thing I suppose.  I see things in a different way.  I'm more thoughtful and think about things more.  I'm more decisive.  

An example of the new me.
My mum has a new boyfriend who I met last week for the first time.  He was annoyed with Mum because she didn't hold his hand on the walk from the station where we met him to the restaurant.  He made his opinion clear and talked/moaned about it for the first half an hour of dinner.  At one point he asked me to tell my mum that it's okay to hold his hand in public and that that was what couples did.  Previously I would have shrugged the question off and changed the subject but I told him basically to get a grip.  That it was awkward enough introducing a new partner to your close family and that it should be for her to lead on any physical contact and that he should respect that she may be nervous about holding his hand in front of me.

I was quite proud of myself.  Hubby and mum were too.

I guess the crux of the change in me is in attitude.  I worry less about offending people.  I mean, I'd never do it on purpose/for no reason, but I used to stress about offending people.  I went over conversations in my head again and again if  I thought I may have upset or offended them even if there had been no evidence that I had.  Madness!!   I care less about what people think of me now and I think that's a good thing.

I feel that I've grown up.

2 comments:

  1. I am so sorry about your precious baby. I only have an inkling of your heartache. I don't know if it is any help to you but my friend Carly and I set up Whispered Support for bereaved mamas. I just wanted you to know I'm here and reading and I care. Thinking of you over this Easter break x

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  2. I feel way more grown up also. Hope you can have a good Easter also.

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